RAAAAAAH

Tonight, allow me to be selfish.

Unbelievable, I live in a place full of insanely selfish, histrio-narcissistic beings. You invest your emotions in them and how do they pay it forward... Well, with a simple rejection of a minute request.

I mean, really, how hard is it to just keep someone who's on the outs with the world and herself company... even just for a little bit? Was I asking for rocket science? No. Was I asking for the moon? No. Was I asking for a grandiose entourage? No. Comfy company... understanding eyes that don't feel the need to speak and instead choose to listen to me uselessly rant about the shit that is my life just this once... that's all I was asking.

I can't believe how even THAT turned out to be a little too much to accommodate.

Granted, I may not have blatantly expressed that with clear intent. But in an idealistic world where "friends" need not speak transliterated objects to convey what is sought, should that not have been obvious? I mean, I'm not cocking my insignificant ego up over here... but what the fuck, I see it when they need it. Really, I do.

Why can't they? Why can't any one of you?

Am I really that walled up that even the slightest hint would be such a feat to see? I mean, I was not asking anyone to change their lives or stop traffic... all I was asking for was a little bit of down time... to, just this once, take the load off my shoulders... if only for a little while. That's all.

I'm not a hard case. I don't suck up anyone else's emotions. For as much as I can, I take my crap and I keep it to myself. At random points of this existence, I even go as far as taking your shit and everyone else's just so you could feel a little lighter about it all. If I had it in me, I'd take all your problems and throw them in my bin... because as selfish as I sound right about now, I still want nothing for you, all of you, but to have as little bit of hardship as humanely possible. Which is why I often resort to comforting and manhandling your issues because I would rather you feel better first, then I can get to dealing with my own life.

But I'm only human too... Sometimes, I need an exhaust.

I just think it's really sad that none of you are willing to sit down and ride the storm out with me.

Not even just once.

And today, that "just once" is happening.

And where's everyone else... the people I consider "friends and good companions"?

Hiding behind whatever crap they can come up with... and it is so fucking obvious that they're doing so just to purposely avoid and none too politely decline my small plea.

Well, well.

Cheers to you all.