Please.

Misery drives a person to make the dumbest choices... some seemingly menial, while others completely life-altering.

I've just made an entire lot of really bad choices... all because of my inability to rise and pick myself up from and out of the funk I single-handedly brought myself.

"I never should have done that..." The phrase now constantly plagues me and my thoughts. And though my feeble faith believes that I'll come out of this practically unscathed, the more logical side of my ego has begun to play devil's advocate again. "What if this, what if that..." My guilt and paranoia eat me alive every single day... even more so now than it did before. How the hell could this happen... again? I got to the top and managed to become a better me... only to have it make a turn for the worse.

Whoever said history repeats itself had it spot on. I'm riding a cycle of repetitive sins all because of my own inability to keep myself in check. Yes, yes, I'm stupid as hell. Thought acknowledged.

God, I put my faith in You. I know You wouldn't ignore my cries. Yes, I know I've made so many bargains and promises I have not been able to keep, and I probably will be bound to screw this one up in a few months or years from now. But I swear, just let me come out clean from this mess and I will not compromise myself anymore than I already have. Enfold me in your protection and deliver me from the sins and temptations brought to me... and save me from this fear that chokes me. Please. Have mercy on me. I know and I claim my deliverance and salvation in your name.

I know I've asked you to save me from myself too many times to count, but please. Just this once more.

Amen.