The Royal Screwup

Ladies and gentlemen, I think I may have just compromised the very great situation I've been in for the last month.

I didn't mean to push it, really. But I guess my stupid insecurities got the best of me. And now, the hollow ache at the pit of my stomach and the dull pain piercing at my chest is enough to twist my spine in seven different places.

All of you know... I'm nothing like this. I'm cool... steady... nonchalant. But no, this time I did myself in. Dammit. In the process of getting scared over screwing up, I might've just done the exact same thing that I fear.

I don't know, y'know? I hope it isn't like that. I'm really just up in the air right now. I don't know if I can change it but I'll try. I just don't know if the end-result is something I'm ready for - but I'll deal with it.

Deep down, I'm just a girl who desperately wants to be loved. I just don’t know how to accept it without pushing it away. For me, love means pain - and that’s why it's so hard to embrace it even when it means something good could come of it.