Things I'd Like To Say...

but, for other people's sake, won't.

To her who makes me simmer in my own boiling blood...

You horrible, horrible person.

In front of all of us you act like an angel who couldn't manage to hurt a fly who came from swimming in dog shit, but no. Come off it, you and I know both know you're nothing of the sort. Well, not just you and me... everybody's got you figured out too.

You're a dick-sucking-gold-digging-good-for-nothing-whore who gets off by spreading utter misery to people who do not want anything to do with you.

Your weapons: Emotional blackmail and evil connivance.

Behind our backs, you manufacture a web of unfathomable catastrophe. You stir things in order to feel like you've got your game on. Ha! I bet your twisted fantasies spring to life each time we all get worked up over your antics. Well guess what... You aren't the only one with tricks up your sleeve.

I'm only maintaining my composure because I cannot afford to taint my relationships with the ones I hold dear. Unfortunately for me, they just happen to be a part of your life too.

But God help me when my cup runs over... because I will bulldoze you and I am not afraid to use any force necessary.

I am more of a devil than you will ever be.

So DON'T PUSH ME, BITCH.
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To him who is beginning to make me question things...

Ano ba talaga?

You talk shit but you can't back it up. The minute she runs to you, you bend over backwards just to give her what she wants.

You hide under the guise of that "I'm only doing this for the wee ones" reason. Man, that excuse is getting too old.

Alright, I get the fact that you've not only yourself to consider. But please, leave some dignity to yourself. She's got your hands tied and no matter how tough you act in front of us, we all know you're only frontin.

Which brings me to this.

Whatever crossed between the both of you, IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT. So stop the self-pity swim and start growing your balls back.

You can't let her control you... and even if you deny it... we all see that it's true.

I just wish you'd see it for yourself.

The Music and Me

My parents think I might have a slight case of autism.

They say so because they see that my walkman phone is permanently attached to me... or more particularly, my ears. The father scolds me because of the damage it could do to my hearing, the mother disdains the fact that I seem to have to lost my communication skills ever since I got this handy-dandy gadget.

Can't say I blame 'em. After all, one must never impose herself on those who cannot understand her ways.

My friends are none the wiser.

Oh sure, they do appreciate the fact that among all of us, I am the most musically inclined - appreciation-wise (for even though I try my best to showcase some sort of musical talent, alas, I fail) . Sometimes they'd even go as far as trying to listen to what I'm listening to... and I do appreciate that - it's not everyday that you get to meet people who try to open themselves up to the things other people introduce to them.

But they'll never fully get why I love it so much. Just like I'll never totally understand why they love the things they do.

One thing, however, is clear as crystal eyes to me.

The music, just as food is to one person and crack is to another, is my blankie.

To me, the beat of the drum's steady bass and the harmony of a singer's voice offers a surprising effect - Calmness and serenity, things I know I'll never be able to get by tuning in to the reality of this concrete jungle.

Whatever genre is depictive of the mood I am in. But no matter how fast or slow the melody is, there is a certain amount of peace that I find myself in - the kind you know you'd never be able to find elsewhere. Which is why I turn postal if I see that my peace has been, in any way, violated - intentionally or otherwise.


About a week ago, I was watching the boob tube and I came across a local cable chow promoting local artists. I'd watched the show before, so it was no big deal... until this group came on. They started talking about themselves and the things they're about and once asked what their name was... BAM! Everything in my head started to spin.

They copied off of one of my most favorite groups.

My temper rose and my blood begain to boil. I wanted to light a fire head and lurch it towards the screen. It wasn't fair and It wasn't right... not to me. and It never will be in my eyes. Never have I ever felt so violated, so screwed... not even when that bitch who still has the gall to smile stole my mobile phone. How could they?! They should've known better, most especially since their supposed leader is a radio jockey. But nooo... they just had to. Fools.

Of course, the temper lowered and the blood began to simmer down. Now all that I have left is pity. I guess it's the greatest form of flattery. I guess. Today I only have prayers of peace and blessings for those second rate copycats. It's not in my nature to be utterly bitter.

After all, people who copy off of the genuine article are nothing but pitiful posers who haven't an inch of creative juice in their wannabe flesh.

The Silent Lecture

There is a fine line between being flirtatious and being cheap.
You're about to cross it... without even knowing.

I won't ask you what's wrong nor will I tell you what you ought to be doing... One, it's lame; and two, YOU NEVER LISTEN.

I may be your friend... but dammit to hell if I allow myself to be diappointed in you over and over again.

You say he disappointed you... he broke you... he made you feel like there is no one worth investing so much of yourself into. Well guess what, honey...

SEEMS LIKE YOU DIDN'T EVEN INVEST IN HIM.
YOU INVESTED IN THE THOUGHT OF HIM & YOU & ALL ITS IDEALISMS.

You... you love the idea of love. You say you've been so hurt in the past that it's made you resort to becoming a nonbeliever. My God, who the hell are you kidding? You prance around with Cinderella's carriage moving around like a broken cartoon clip in your eyes. It's there for everyone to see.

And now another one comes along... One who, from the very start, did not at all seem right. And for the past days he has been in every single conversation you've sparked. I would be happy for you except...

I CAN SEE THAT HE ISN'T IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL.

Jesus... I wish you'd get real. Just coz he has a better future than your last one doesn't mean his intentions are purely chivalrous. And it's not even that...

It's the fact that from the very beginning... and this i can tell given my expertise in the field... he's lied to you... albeit in small bits... but damn girl... a lie is a lie is a lie is a lie. YOU taught me that.

And even with all that, you still find yourself stooping to bend over backwards for him. You're so scared of our non-acceptance that you drive yourself to his first base every single time. Please, stop being so cheap.

It's only making you look worse. In their eyes... But more importantly... IN OURS (we whom you call friends).

I can only pray that you'd listen but I know that even a hurricane of prayers isn't going to stop you from blinding yourself in order to feel like you're truly worth anotehr man's affection.

So here's my bid.

I HOPE TO THE HIGH HEAVENS THAT YOU'D GET ANGRY... AT ME.

Angry enough to feel my words sting the very core of your being... angry enough to fume and scream "how dare I" to me... But more importantly,

ANGRY ENOUGH TO RECONSIDER THE NOTION THAT WHAT I'M SAYING MIGHT HAVE SOME ACTUAL SUBSTANCE IN IT.

maybe then... you'd get to thinking. and maybe then, you'd see the truth in what I mean.