And they ask me why I'm straight...
Yes, it's true - This world is weird.
One more than one occasion I have been asked if I was a lesbian. It's been asked so many times that I've actually found no offense in it anymore (Let's just say that the first time I was asked, a Banshee would've been put to shame). Anyway, I just find it utterly humorous now... because most people can't seem to acknowledge the fact that one Hungarian Sausage and 2 boiled eggs comprise my breakfast of champions... and lunch... sometimes dinner and in between.
I suppose you could credit it to the fact that I am the youngest and the only girl in my family. Growing up with only two older brothers to look up to wasn't exactly the best breeding ground for becoming a prima ballerina. Don't get me wrong... when I was a kid, I lived for My Little Pony, Rainbow Brite, Gem and Barbie. But, G.I. Joe's and Tonka trucks were mainstays of my playtime, because the GI Joe's were small enough to play Barbie's kids, and The big red firetruck was enough for my stuffed Sprite doll to ride on (the poor thing just wouldn't fit Rainbow Brite's convertible).
But in hindsight, the aformentioned things are only a small part of why I am straight and why I know I'm in the right place.
I was vacationing in Manila last April, and in one of those summer nights, a good old friend asked me to join her (before we get anywhere else, lemme just say she's gay) and some people for a gig and some drinks. Having nothing to do, I said yes. So I took a cab, got to the place, and met her at the door. We smoked for a little while, then her friends came out to join us. She intro'ed me, and suffice it to say that I didn't need to assume that the group of girls she was with were like her. Of course, at some point they all managed to ask me if I was lesbo or not. I didn't mind. Like I said, I'd been asked so many times before... so I was pretty sure I handled the situation fairly well. That was, until, her friend asked me what I've never been asked before.
"So why aren't you gay?"
I spat-splashed the Cuba Libre I was sipping straight to the face of the guy who was beside me. (Ladies and gentlemen, I shit you not on this one.)
After utmost apologies to the guy, and having thought that I heard her wrong, I said, "Say what?" She asked me again... and apparently, I did hear it right.
I told her about my family background and how I never really mean to act so tomboyish, and all of the things I mentioned a couple of paragraphs earlier. Thinking that would be enough, I shut up and proceeded to sip my drink again. But it wasn't.
"Yeah, I get that. But really, why aren't you gay?"
This time I almost choked on the dollop that I drank. But it also made me think.
Why exactly am I not gay? What is it about being a woman, and having some form of romantic intimacy with a woman, that doesn't sit well with me? Why have I chosen to seek "love" with a man instead of someone who could possibly understand my needs more than a dozen men can?
3 more glasses and 7 sticks later, I found my answer. (Too bad, the Ellen DeGeneres wannabe was too smashed to remember it.)
It's because I need the balance of actual reality to complement my overabundance of emotions.
In my opinion, men and women weren't created equal (Before any feminists or woman rights activists start chasing after me, please hear me out) - Men are denser when it comes to the emotion department, while women tend to immerse themselves in it. What I mean is... when it all boils down to feelings, girls are more sensitive than guys will ever be (And I wasn't the only one who thought of this... Erik Erikson and the rest of them psychologists can vouch for me).
Take, for example, a simple instance where a friend of mine falls for my longtime guy friend - she's barely known the guy, and yet it's so obvious to everyone just how much she feels him... sometimes even going as far as stupid things go by physically pushing herself just a wee bit further to the guy. And how does my boy bud feel about this?
Nothing at all.
No, he isn't an insensitive prick as most people say he is. Rather, he sticks to the proclamation he made in the earlier stages of their friendship - that he has no feelings, and he will never have feelings, for her. Yeah sure, sometimes he'd get irritated... other times he'd find the things she does sweet. But the fact of the matter is (and this he's told me a hundred times over), there's just nothing there. So why would he force himself when he know that there wasn't even anything there to begin with? Ok, point taken.
But what about her?
For a little while she tried to hang on, hoping against hope that he just might change his mind and see her intent. But in the end, things got a little messy and now everyone is just mad at each other - But that's another story. The point is, she hung on to hopes... while he didn't even give himself the chance to hope at all.
Even outside that situation, I could think of many an instance where my theory proves true; but doing that would only lead me to certain dissertations I have no intention of making. So I'll stick to the subject that I'm trying to put across.
The fact of the matter is, women feel and think more while men tend to leave themselves as is. I know I'm no expert, but I know that much is true. We, girls, (Yes, we, because having grown up with 2 boys doesn't excuse me from what I'm about to say) are more inclined to oversensitize matters And boys? Well, they're the ones who desensitize it for us. When we think as far as clouds go, the men pull us back to earth by sticking the real scores to us. When we say "It's Manolo Blahniks," they say "It's just shoes." When we think "Oh he ate the cookies, he loves me," they clearly correct it by thanking us for being the bestest friend they ever had. When we start nagging them about they're cheating ways, they tell us we think too much. Those things, cynical as they may sound, are true. Yes, sometimes we overthink while the men see things as is. And that is exactly why I choose to be with men - because my overthinking is clearly slapped to common sense by a man's inability to do so.
So, now that I think about it... Why am I not gay?
I'm not gay because I'm already emotional as it is, I'm not gay because I am a drama queen in every essence, and I'm not gay because even if I look or act like a tomboy, I am the whirlwhind of womanhood to the very core. So if I were to place myself romantically with another woman, I am going to be one of these things - A mental case, an asshole, an emotional vampire, or a worse bitch than I already am. Unfortunately, none of the above appeal to my palate. I would rather die than inflict hurt on, or be hurt by, a woman. God knows, a woman's sting is worse than a stingray's.
Lastly, I'm not gay because I would rather have sausages for breakfast... and lunch... sometimes dinner and in between.
One more than one occasion I have been asked if I was a lesbian. It's been asked so many times that I've actually found no offense in it anymore (Let's just say that the first time I was asked, a Banshee would've been put to shame). Anyway, I just find it utterly humorous now... because most people can't seem to acknowledge the fact that one Hungarian Sausage and 2 boiled eggs comprise my breakfast of champions... and lunch... sometimes dinner and in between.
I suppose you could credit it to the fact that I am the youngest and the only girl in my family. Growing up with only two older brothers to look up to wasn't exactly the best breeding ground for becoming a prima ballerina. Don't get me wrong... when I was a kid, I lived for My Little Pony, Rainbow Brite, Gem and Barbie. But, G.I. Joe's and Tonka trucks were mainstays of my playtime, because the GI Joe's were small enough to play Barbie's kids, and The big red firetruck was enough for my stuffed Sprite doll to ride on (the poor thing just wouldn't fit Rainbow Brite's convertible).
But in hindsight, the aformentioned things are only a small part of why I am straight and why I know I'm in the right place.
I was vacationing in Manila last April, and in one of those summer nights, a good old friend asked me to join her (before we get anywhere else, lemme just say she's gay) and some people for a gig and some drinks. Having nothing to do, I said yes. So I took a cab, got to the place, and met her at the door. We smoked for a little while, then her friends came out to join us. She intro'ed me, and suffice it to say that I didn't need to assume that the group of girls she was with were like her. Of course, at some point they all managed to ask me if I was lesbo or not. I didn't mind. Like I said, I'd been asked so many times before... so I was pretty sure I handled the situation fairly well. That was, until, her friend asked me what I've never been asked before.
"So why aren't you gay?"
I spat-splashed the Cuba Libre I was sipping straight to the face of the guy who was beside me. (Ladies and gentlemen, I shit you not on this one.)
After utmost apologies to the guy, and having thought that I heard her wrong, I said, "Say what?" She asked me again... and apparently, I did hear it right.
I told her about my family background and how I never really mean to act so tomboyish, and all of the things I mentioned a couple of paragraphs earlier. Thinking that would be enough, I shut up and proceeded to sip my drink again. But it wasn't.
"Yeah, I get that. But really, why aren't you gay?"
This time I almost choked on the dollop that I drank. But it also made me think.
Why exactly am I not gay? What is it about being a woman, and having some form of romantic intimacy with a woman, that doesn't sit well with me? Why have I chosen to seek "love" with a man instead of someone who could possibly understand my needs more than a dozen men can?
3 more glasses and 7 sticks later, I found my answer. (Too bad, the Ellen DeGeneres wannabe was too smashed to remember it.)
It's because I need the balance of actual reality to complement my overabundance of emotions.
In my opinion, men and women weren't created equal (Before any feminists or woman rights activists start chasing after me, please hear me out) - Men are denser when it comes to the emotion department, while women tend to immerse themselves in it. What I mean is... when it all boils down to feelings, girls are more sensitive than guys will ever be (And I wasn't the only one who thought of this... Erik Erikson and the rest of them psychologists can vouch for me).
Take, for example, a simple instance where a friend of mine falls for my longtime guy friend - she's barely known the guy, and yet it's so obvious to everyone just how much she feels him... sometimes even going as far as stupid things go by physically pushing herself just a wee bit further to the guy. And how does my boy bud feel about this?
Nothing at all.
No, he isn't an insensitive prick as most people say he is. Rather, he sticks to the proclamation he made in the earlier stages of their friendship - that he has no feelings, and he will never have feelings, for her. Yeah sure, sometimes he'd get irritated... other times he'd find the things she does sweet. But the fact of the matter is (and this he's told me a hundred times over), there's just nothing there. So why would he force himself when he know that there wasn't even anything there to begin with? Ok, point taken.
But what about her?
For a little while she tried to hang on, hoping against hope that he just might change his mind and see her intent. But in the end, things got a little messy and now everyone is just mad at each other - But that's another story. The point is, she hung on to hopes... while he didn't even give himself the chance to hope at all.
Even outside that situation, I could think of many an instance where my theory proves true; but doing that would only lead me to certain dissertations I have no intention of making. So I'll stick to the subject that I'm trying to put across.
The fact of the matter is, women feel and think more while men tend to leave themselves as is. I know I'm no expert, but I know that much is true. We, girls, (Yes, we, because having grown up with 2 boys doesn't excuse me from what I'm about to say) are more inclined to oversensitize matters And boys? Well, they're the ones who desensitize it for us. When we think as far as clouds go, the men pull us back to earth by sticking the real scores to us. When we say "It's Manolo Blahniks," they say "It's just shoes." When we think "Oh he ate the cookies, he loves me," they clearly correct it by thanking us for being the bestest friend they ever had. When we start nagging them about they're cheating ways, they tell us we think too much. Those things, cynical as they may sound, are true. Yes, sometimes we overthink while the men see things as is. And that is exactly why I choose to be with men - because my overthinking is clearly slapped to common sense by a man's inability to do so.
So, now that I think about it... Why am I not gay?
I'm not gay because I'm already emotional as it is, I'm not gay because I am a drama queen in every essence, and I'm not gay because even if I look or act like a tomboy, I am the whirlwhind of womanhood to the very core. So if I were to place myself romantically with another woman, I am going to be one of these things - A mental case, an asshole, an emotional vampire, or a worse bitch than I already am. Unfortunately, none of the above appeal to my palate. I would rather die than inflict hurt on, or be hurt by, a woman. God knows, a woman's sting is worse than a stingray's.
Lastly, I'm not gay because I would rather have sausages for breakfast... and lunch... sometimes dinner and in between.
posted by k59i84m at
7:37 AM
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